A Selection of Salted Snacks (Album 2013)

by Percy

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about

“A Selection of Salted Snacks” 10 tales of the unexpected.

A genuine and original black humor colouring the grim reality of today with a refreshing and burlesque wit. 10 carefully crafted songs by skilled songwriters with titles that roll off the tongue and catchy choruses that get their snags into you and keep you whistling them all day. Songs you want to keep: not throw-away crisp packets!

10 songs that drive along with pace and swagger defying the pigeon holes of musical genere but harvesting their signatures like a post-modern audio magpie. Think of Beck, the Super Furry Animals, or further back….Ian Dury, or The Kinks.

Oh yes....'Noel Edmonds ruined my life'

credits

released April 1, 2013

Colin Howard/Dan Whiting/Andy Wiles
Also feat. The Redhouse Gastric Band

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Percy UK

Founded in 1998 Tenfoot Records promotes the work of PERCY and the friends we meet along the way. Thanks for looking!

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Track Name: Heavy Industry
I was blinded by the photocopier, spots on my cornea
I tripped over a heap of files and all this sitting has given me piles
And this is not my cup of tea, this is Heavy Industry

Another accident in the kitchen, this kettle needs filling
And this cup takes ages to clean where someone else’s lips have been
And this is not my cup of tea, this is Heavy Industry

My finger’s lacerated upon a single page
And burst open the blisters caused by hot water spillage
And my antiquated monitor has given me focal strain
As I stumble wearily upon the train

And this lack of ventilation contravenes EU directions
Like the gap that is my workplace, there’s a chronic lack of space
And this is not my cup of tea, this is Heavy Industry


No attempt to reduce my workload that’s built up over the years
I had a word with my supervisor, but my request fell on deaf ears
And 50mg of Prozac helps get me through the day
With another bifter along the way

This is not my cup of tea, this is Heavy Industry
This is not my cup of tea, it’s even worse than the coffee
Track Name: Big Fellas
Big Fellas throw their weight around
Big Fellas gonna put me down
Congregating at the bar, they are bigger than you are
Any hint of difference is met with a volley of insults

Big Fellas are not all there
Big Fellas are averse to cranial hair
They hang around in leering packs, with a selection of salted snacks
Any individuality they will exploit without mercy

Big Fellas chase the women and girls, round and round they go
High and mighty, tall and proud, in clothes they bought from Jacamo

Big Fella sat next to me, Big Fella was derogatory
Big Fella sat next to me, Big Fella took the piss out of me
Big Fella had a coronary, the Big Fella died next to me

Big Fella in a hole in the ground
All his family gather around
And on his coffin six feet square, they put a floral teddy bear
Cos Big Fellas like to embrace violence, but when they die they’re Gentle Giants

Big Fellas
Track Name: Man Up
Well I feel a little anxious and out of control
I gotta get a grip before the fear takes hold
I’ve got to Man Up
I’ve got to Man Up

I’m so emotional, I don’t why
But the sight of a mushroom makes me want to cry
I’ve got to Man Up
I’ve got to Get a Grip

There’s a shadow in the corner, there’s an image in my head
I can’t deal with reality so I make it up instead
But the pressure is upon my to live up to my sex
Am I strong enough / rich enough / hard enough / tough enough
I’ve got to Man Up

You say that I do as I please
That I’ve got to take on responsibilities
I’ve got to Man Up
I’ve got to Grow Up

The expectation is killing me
My gender role in society
I’ve got to Man Up
I’ve got to Buckle Up

There’s a shadow in the corner, there’s an image in my head
I can’t deal with reality so I make it up instead
But the pressure is upon my to live up to my sex
Am I strong enough / rich enough / hard enough / tough enough
I’ve got to Man Up

Confrontation, well I always hide
I retreat behind my feminine side
I’ve got to Man Up
I’ve got to duff someone up

And if I seem a little anxious and out of control
I’ve got to get a grip before the fear takes hold
I’ve got to Man Up
I’ve got to beat someone up

There’s a shadow in the corner, there’s an image in my head
I can’t deal with reality so I make it up instead
But the pressure is upon my to live up to my sex
Am I strong enough / rich enough / hard enough / tough enough
I’ve got to Man Up
Track Name: Donny Rednecks
There’s a gala nite at the WMC
And anyone who’s anyone turns out to be
There with the rank and file of Ben Sherman shirts
Bootlace ties and genuine patent leather boots, complete with spurs

Some women are on crutches, their arms in splints
One hundred dropping mouths, two hundred squints
The pseudo country band and hard drinking begins
And for everyone this is the place to be because tonight

Doncaster is Nashville, Tennessee

Empty beer glasses pile up about the place
Tempers flare and voices are raised
Some blood is spilled as fists are flayed
But for everyone this is the place to be because tonight

Doncaster is Nashville, Tennessee

Somebody missed the key change and they all lost time
The singer’s forgotten the words and they don’t rhyme
And the bar has run out of everything except White Lightning and Special Brew
The floor is strewn with broken glass and the bogs are full of spew

And God help you if you’re black, God help you if you’re queer
God help you if you’re different or not from around here
The usual display of prejudice and bigotry
And it’s not much different from Nashville, Tennessee

There’s a gala nite at the WMC
Where everyone who’s anyone turned out to be
A sea of wreckage you will never again see
But for everyone this was the place to be because tonight

Doncaster is Nashville, Tennessee
Track Name: A New Kind Of Discipline
I am a shaman, borne out of frustration
I hold an ideal with a front of convention
Then came a vision, an image of prosperity
An approach to the modern age, an alternative reality
I used to be wasteful, I couldn’t see past my navel
A blind acceptance of a meaningless existence
I need direction, I am on a mission
I need structure in my life at this juncture

A New Kind of Discipline

From aspiration a realised potential
I sold a concept, and recruited thousands of people
They bought the idea, another way to spend their lucre
Quasi-religious, and the money was prestigious
I swallowed virgins, mothers and older women
I feasted on them and brought them right back up again
No time for sympathy, no time for ideal apathy
A grand distortion of perceptions of morality

A New Kind of Discipline

This whole movement exceeded expectations
We held stockpiles of various munitions
No sense of piety, a rejection of society
My megalomania escalates beyond all measure
Three years later, getting ready to meet my maker
We had an agreement, a mutual understanding
I brought disciples in a vessel of my own making
They were beholden to whatever was in store for them

A New Kind of Discipline
Track Name: Noel Edmonds Ruined My Life
Noel Edmonds ruined my life, separated me and my wife
Left me in a world of strife

Noel Edmonds ruined my health, with promises of untold wealth
Took all of my money by stealth

Noel Edmonds

With a guaranteed investment plan, I thought Noel Edmonds was the man
He beckoned me to speculate, then all I had to do was just wait
As a High Court judge or a castaway, Noel Edmonds was never very far away
In his many shirts of sombre hues, but does he know that

I am in a deep hole and it’s all down to Noel Edmonds

Noel Edmonds ruined my life, separated my kids and my wife
Left me here with this kitchen knife

Noel Edmonds ruined my home, I’m an addict down to the bone
I’ve tried quiz machine methadone

But I’m owned

With piercing eyes of cobalt blue – imperious, ubiquitous, he gazes back at you
Encouraging me to spend, spend, spend, when I said that I’d never, ever do it again
In every bar, in every town, Noel Edmonds follows you around
And his hair shows little signs of age, but does he know that

I am in a deeper hole and it’s all down to Noel Edmonds

Noel Edmonds ruined my life
Track Name: Let Down
Time was when you spoke to me, in a way I understood
And to your views I could relate, sympathise acknowledge and appreciate

But now there’s just a hollow ringing
Empty vessels contain nothing
You have abandoned all you believe in
And I’ve been letdown, you’ve been letdown, we’ve been letdown again

Time was when you held me fast, rapt upon your every word
And I believed your rhetoric, the passion on display, your arguments and polemic

But now there’s just a hollow ringing
Empty vessels contain nothing
You have abandoned all you believe in
And I’ve been letdown, you’ve been letdown, we’ve been letdown again

And time was when your principles
Took precedence above all else
But now it’s just crash and burn
And you have reached the point of no return

And now there’s just a hollow ringing
Empty vessels contain nothing
You have abandoned all you believe in
And I’ve been letdown, you’ve been letdown, we’ve been letdown again
Track Name: Gaelic Delusion
With Celtic tattoos on my arms
And all those endearing young charms
I jumped on a ferry from Anglesey
In order to obtain an identity

My Mother was born South of Hull
My Father I don’t know at all
I’ve had no persona since I was a child
So now here I am quoting Joyce, Yeats and Wilde

My place of birth is a lie, and the twinkle in my eye
Well you know that it’s just an illusion
The way that I speak isn’t real, and the things I say and feel
Well it’s all just a Gaelic Delusion

So I travel the length of this land
For reasons I don’t understand
My soul and this country I’ve tried to conjoin
I’ve pissed in the Liffey and shat in the Boyne

And my place of birth is a lie, and the twinkle in my eye
Don’t you know that it’s just an illusion
The way that I speak is unreal, and my suit of emerald green
Well it’s all just a Gaelic Delusion
Track Name: An Anthem For A Doomed Youth
It came on gradually
Denial of all that I could be
A shutdown of all that I could sense
A closure of experience

My eyes are now eternal closed
My ears are deaf now to the world
These legs shall no longer carry me
And these hands shall forever idle be

Refusal to try out the new
In everything that I do
I’m settled and set in my ways
Just eking out my final days

My eyes are now eternal closed
My ears are deaf now to the world
My head will never turn again
No thoughts shall ever run through my brain